Trip to khao-yai.
In December afternoon I was with Captain, Fourth, Aimy, Will, Best, Pond, and ChingChing. We are at the big river trying to cross it. I heard the sound of the water flowing, sound people talking about the rocks, and sounds of the birds. The rocks at the river was very slippery so we have to go very slow. I was the fourth person to finish crossing the river. After everybody were done. We are going for the entrance next. When I almost arrive at the entrance I heard the sound of Asia voice yelling for me. So I rush for it. After when we all arrive we head to the bus and go to the place that we are staying.
It's very detailed, especially the sounds you heard. If I were you, stretch out a part of the story. For example, how did you feel when you crossed the river? Scared? Exited? Nervous? Stretch out those story parts that are important!
ReplyDeleteWell done focusing on one idea. It is hard when you have one idea to develop but try and add more about people said and what you were thinking.
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